I live with a permanent injury daily. This gets pushed to the back of my mind when I am playing the rolls of mother, daughter, sister, wife, co-worker, and many more. It gets pushed to the back of my mind along with others pushing it to the back of their mind. I do not let my injury define my life, but in return it's easy to forget that my paralysis needs to be addressed.
It has taken me a dozen years to realize that it's ok to let people help me. What I mean by that is much more complex than you would think. I get so caught up in "I can do it myself" and as time goes by, I'm realizing I'm not able to live my life like that anymore.
Start letting people help. When people ask, say yes. Put your pride away and let others be a crutch to help sometimes.
Another thing it has taken me 12 years to learn is to stay true to my values.
I have a hard time making decisions. I have a hard time with confrontation. It is easy for others to take advantage of me, tell me what to do or who I need to be. I've almost leaned on others too much as the "Safe Route". (My husband especially).
I need to remember my values, I need to stay true to me. After all I have learned in the last 12 years with a permanent paralysis, it would be a shame to let that go to waste.
Say how I truly feel and with that remember my values are when I'm tempted to start questioning them. Don't always just "Go with the flow" because in the end it probably isn't where I (that's me) want to be. With every decision made, remember how lucky I am to be alive and what is most important in MY life.
I have been through a lot in my life, more surgeries than I can count on one hand. Two full term pregnancies and raising those babies from a wheelchair. Owning a business, working full time, being a momma and wife, being there for extended family events all without complaining about my paralysis. (Ok, I may or may not ask Nick to rub my back every night because of pain due to pushing my limits to hard.... oops).
I tend to make others feel like whatever they are going through really isn't that bad, and I tend to forget that they haven't seen my side of things. It is a big deal to them.
Have more sympathy. Understand that everyone has their battles and they aren't always the same as mine. Be more understanding instead of feeling like others should have nothing to complain about. Know they may be going through something I have never been through.
Be more understanding.
For some reason I don't realize that there are probably more people that know me as the paralyzed version of Autumn. I forget that my kids never knew me as an able-bodied person. I forget that I am coming up on living half my life in a wheelchair (only 4 years shy). Instead of thinking so much about how I was before the accident, I need to focus on the person I am after.
"Before the accident" comes out of my mouth several times a week and I need to start to let go of that. Part of that is accepting THIS. IS. ME.
Most of these goals may not make sense to you right now, but at some point you may read and thing "I need to work on that too" and that's just fine! I am putting these goals on my blog for everyone to see so I can hold myself more accountable each day, month and year I reflect upon.
My 12 year anniversary is tomorrow, and my cute husband reminds me every year to celebrate life on that day. This year (this week especially) has been particularly hard, lots of "Why Me?"s and "I would be prettier if I could walk..." s too many "what would my life be like?" s and "who would I be?"... those are the negative thoughts I NEED to ditch. I tend to remember that day as a negative day, instead I need to remember that I AM ALIVE. I have so much to be grateful for. My wonderful husband makes me a little video each year to remember how far I've come. I will share that with all of you tomorrow.
CHEERS to celebrating life! 12 years down, forever to go! Because I CAN do this.
For now, enjoy last years video celebrating 11 years. CLICK HERE