-SEPTEMBER 26, 2006-
-Blog post written by my step-dad, Vaughn.-
ANOTHER Long Night and Hard Day.
"Well, Autumn is struggling... what else can I say? The wound continues to drain, widen and deepen. She is going to go back to the University Hospital tomorrow to see the Neurosurgeon so he can have a look-see for himself and come up with a game plan.
Autumn did not have the stamina or tolerance for more than 15 minutes of P.T. today; NOT GOOD. She is famished. Her body is struggling. Her back hurts around the wound. She has no appetite. She just wants to sleep and stay in bed. BUT, no food, water and activity stops the body's ability to heal. We are at a cross roads and may have to put a feeding tube in her to get the nourishment she needs to allow her body to get stronger and heal better. It's amazing how she has deteriorated in just a couple of days. I can't imagine how she feels; mentally, spiritually or physically.
Pray for her, pray for Tami, Pray for the doctors and caregivers. We/They need your prayers.
In walked a Nurse. Not my nurse, but someone else. As I looked over to the door she said "Sorry to bother you, but I have to get a weight." Mom motioned her in and she opened the door wider pulling this machine in the hospital room. This machine looked like a whale transport, sling and all. How embarrassing. I didn't want to even acknowledge this situation. By this time, my pride was gone, so what the heck... Why not feel dumber for this situation I had gotten myself into.
Hailey was still in town so her and mom helped the nurses roll me from one side to the other while spreading the (trampoline like) tarp underneath me. The nurse hooked each corner to the machine and they lifted me off the bed to get a weight. I felt like a whale, haha.
It's not that I was trying not to eat. I threw up every time I ate. I had no apetite so it seemed pointless to eat. I wanted to just sleep. It took my mind away from reality, the pain seemed to go away with the occasional pain rolling over every hour. The nurses never forgot about that one, I can tell you that much.
My incision was just getting worse and draining more and more. Having literal holes in my back that were infected were just as painful as it sounds.
Things were not looking good. The thought of a feeding tube, the infection, my attitude, none of them were good things. Do you ever have moments when you just feel like giving up? This was mine.
As Hailey's time at the hospital was coming to an end, I thought It would be good to share the last portion of her letter to me. ( I shared the beginning in a previous post.)
"Then there was your infection with the incision on your back, that your mom caught. I remember noticing blood in your cath bag hanging from your bed, and trying to convince you to drink water before they caught it. I remember watching them remove your chest tube. You didn't make a sound, but your knuckles were white holding the railing on your bed. What I remember most though, was laughing... a lot. I was there your first day of therapy. I remember them having you try to sit up on your own and you did it, and then you puked everywhere. The first time I watched them bathe you they put you on this weird stretcher style screen thing that you could lay down on but the water ran straight through. You joked with the nurse the whole time, to make it less awkward, because that was you. I remember your dad taking you to the bathroom to poop, and while he was pushing you on the toilet chair you pooped all over the floor of your room. I remember wondering if you were going to cry, and then you and Vaughn started to laugh so we all started cracking up and the more you laughed the more you pooped. ( haha again, HOW EMBARRASSING!) I had my mom ship all my school books to me, because I was a nerd and didn't want to get behind in school. Aryn brought Jared the Subway Guy to your room to cheer you up. I remember after he left we said he kinda gave us the creeps. Who would have known he would get arrested for kiddie porn years later... Creepy!!! I did notice you would get anxious when there were a lot of people in your room, but as soon as they left, we would laugh and joke.
It honestly was one of the best weeks of my life to be with you during that time of your life. I am so grateful that your mom came to the temple that day and I got to go on that ride with you, even if it was only for a week. I love you Aubs, you are one of the strongest most determined people I know. I am so proud of the mother you are, and that you have started your own business. I am really proud of you for sharing your story. I think it is inspirational, and could really help someone in your situation see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad you broke your back and didn't reunite with your dad that day. I don't think our family could have handled another loss. I am so grateful for you in my life, and grateful for the love we have for each other. I love you so much!